Bucket List

Am I too young for a bucket list? 34 years old this week...

1. Go to Disney World , again and again...
2. Learn to play the piano
3. Go back to college
4. Visit the Holy Land
5. Be a missionary
6. Go on a spontaneous road trip
7. Go on a real hike
8. Be in a play
9. Buy matching living room furniture
10. Run a marathon, wait a 1/2, no wait a 5K
11. See my children get married, but not to each other, much to Laura Rose's dismay
12. Read through the bible

anymore suggestions? Thinking...

"I'm not a baby"

Easter Sunday. Crowded church hallway. I grabbed my 8-year old son's hand to work our way through the crowd back to the 2 year old class. Once we are in the clear, he jerks his hand away and tells me, "I am not a baby". I felt pain in my chest. I'm hurt and I'm a little angry b/c he sounds a wee bit disrespectful (who am I kidding - it was rude, right?). We walk down the hall, not talking. He sulks in the church service and I am ready to send him off to boarding school. Then at the last song, we sing "He's Alive". Jacob stands on the pew beside me and puts his arm around me and his head on my shoulder...

He IS still my little boy. Will I always see him that way - probably. I know I have to start letting go, little by little. Tears sting my eyes as I hear him say, "I am not a baby."

I pray the Lord will grow Jacob to be a young man who loves Him and serves Him. If that means Mama has to let go, then Lord help me to do just that!

Christmas Baby Cries By the Annie Moses Band

Mountain pine weighed down so low
Branches bowed with silent snow
But underneath the glistening
The wordless wood is listening
Listening
Listening
Before the frost will fly
When the Christmas baby cries

Beasts that bristle in the cold
Huddle in the bitter blow
But while the blast is thundering
Their frozen souls are wondering
Wondering
Wondering
If this is the night
When the Christmas baby cries

Wind comes creeping through the cracks
Flame blows from the candle wax
Yet there is faith for fragile men
A child is born in Bethlehem
Bethlehem
Bethlehem
For our hope will rise
For our hope will rise
For our hope will rise
When the Christmas baby cries

Homeschooling 2009-2010

We are beginning a new chapter in our homeschooling. It has been 4 days so far and going well. I just love those 2 kids so much - but they sure do drive me crazy! Jacob is constantly daydreaming and Laura Rose is constantly trying to start an argument with me! But somehow, at the end of the day - we get a lot done and have fun doing it. We painted Mt Kilimanjaro yesterday and we learned about NYC today. You should have seen Jacob's face when I showed him pictures of 9/11 and told him about that day. After looking at photos of the Muslim "pilots" - he said, "but didn't they die too?" His sweet nature could not imagine such hate in someone's heart.

I love teaching my children. I love being able to teach the love of Christ in all subjects. I love being able to freely use the name above all names - JESUS. I love to see them look at me when they finally "get it". Laura Rose using scissors or Jacob sounding out a word that was really "big" - it is so exciting. Do not get me wrong this is one the hardest things I have ever had to tackle - but in the last 4 years - since Jacob was in pre-k - God has shown me more ways to empty myself and fill up with HIM.

As the children's song goes..."He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be, It took just a day to make the moon and stars, Jupiter and Mars, But He's still working on me!" ( & ya'll know He will keep working - like it or not!)

love to all - christie

I see my brother

Through my tears, I must write this. I feel like I just need to say it...









My brother, Travis, was a homeless man for nearly 6 years. He lived in a tent (until he caught it on fire), shelters in the winter- his frequented spot was under a bridge.

My brother was an addict. Alcohol and cigarettes, mostly. History of drugs.

My brother had mental illness, never properly diagnosed. He heard voices, he believed lies - many were his own lies and deceptions. Sadly, he rejected his family and our love for him.

Travis was a precious child. Chunky and cute. Always had a rebellious streak and getting into trouble! Travis accepted Christ as a child and was active in our church, children and youth groups. Travis was funny and was fun to be around. He could tell a story. He was a wonderful artist. He was healthy and good-looking. He could play football (#61), kickball, basketball, baseball - all he enjoyed with our eldest brother, Jason and our daddy. I remember how much he enjoyed my mom and grandmothers cooking. He liked music. He loved the beach. He worked construction. He worked off shore on rigs. He was in the army. He was an uncle, and he held my son two times. He never saw my beautiful girl or my sister's sweet son.

What happened? So many things. There are many questions that we have that will never be answered in this life. Travis' health was bad from drinking so heavily and not taking care of himself. He developed diabetes and died @ age 34 due to complications of diabetes on April 26, 2009 in Denver, CO. He was found under a bridge, alone.

Travis is now at peace with his Savior. He is no longer alone. I believe that. I know his life did not reflect a life sold out for Christ - but I believe salvation is a gift that cannot be taken away, no matter what we do.

The world saw a bum.
The lowliest in our society. Thin, long hair, scruffy beard. Dirty clothes and backpack. Weathered face and tired eyes. Panhandling, smells of smoke, in need of a shower. Someone to avoid. Someone who seemingly has no one in this world who cares for them. Drinking, passed out, lost, hopeless.
The world sees a bum.

But I see my brother. God sees His child. And no matter what he was - I love him, the Lord loves him. And I grieve what could have been and the loss of life so young. I feel God's mercy was on him, his chains are gone now. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.

Pray for me and my family as we move forward, love, Christie

Mammaw Ruby

My Mammaw went to be with Jesus on July 9th. I was struggling the last time I longed on and got my blog all "caught up". Did not think I could handle anything else right now - I still feel like I cannot - but the Lord is so good and He is giving me strength each day.

My mammaw was smart, a hard worker, a beautiful singer, had good taste, an awesome cook, a loving friend to all who knew her, protective of her family, very generous...but most of all my mammaw loved the Lord. She served Him up until the day she passed from this life into heaven where she now rest at His feet. Mammaw left a legacy of living for God. Giving all to Him, realizing it wasn't hers to begin with. See, Mammaw did not have an easy life. She grew up very poor, her father died when she was only a child. She went to work when she was 12 years old and married at 16. She gave birth to two wonderful children and cared for a sick husband for many years, all the while she worked, served, did not think of rest, always thought of others. (Maybe she should have rested, we would fuss that she needed more rest.) She always remained humble. She always loved and remembered who held tomorrow. She was faithful up until the very day her work on earth was done.

She was 76, and the last words she spoke was a prayer - speaking to her Savior, until she was brought face to face with Jesus. To her mansion in the sky, her Beulah Land, she belongs to Jesus now - her faith is complete. We will be together again. Praise God, I will see her precious face again.

Love to all, christie

Our Life (over the last few months)

hi everyone, i am back and have news of the last few months...

april 7 my baby boy turned seven years old! how precious he is - i can hardly believe how the time has flown by. had an "incredibles" birthday cake

april 26 sunday morning, the phone rings about 7:45am, mom says travis is dead. my other big brother- who i have not seen in nearly six years, though, thank God, i did speak to him on the phone a couple of times last year - he's gone? it was hard to take, it is still hard to believe that this has happened. wish i could take the pain away from my parents who have to visit their sons' graves...

may 1 we say a final good bye to travis, i know he is in peace now w/ the Lord, for so long he lived in misery. one of the hardest days of my life

may 10 mother's day, my kids are so precious and i love them so much - they make me feel so special. jacob drew me pictures of super mario! mom had a hard day.

may 18 14 years since jason, my oldest brother went to be w/ the Lord oh God how hard this is to feel this strong grief all over again I pray a lot for the Lord's peace and comfort, feeling a little numb and confused...

may 14 left for a fun fam reunion in louisiana - saw family and met cousins and cousins' kids. it was so much fun and good to laugh, but there were still tears. life is hard. but yea - cousin maggie graduated from college! stopped off at the zoo in memphis on our way home, got a little lost in memphis...

May 26 began swim lessons - lasted for 2 weeks and wow - i have 2 great swimmers!

June 7 beautiful sunday worship, cried a lot in service today, prayed hard for mom and aprille

June 10 knew it was coming... had a semi-breakdown today..could not quit crying,even with the kids in the backseat of car... life seems so unfair! i am mad - but i do not know who or what to be mad at!

June 13 talked and cried with mom today. the Lord clearly answered a prayer for me this week and i am feeling a lot of love today "fill my cup Lord, I lift it up"

June 14 spent the week in AL w/ mom and dad and mawmaw, of course, got to see sweet payton at aprille and donnie's good to be with them and we missed jason

June 21 father's day and vbs - not fair for the dad's to have to share their day! jason is a wonderful man - i could not, should not and would not ask for another. things are not perfect in our life but i know there is love

June 27 VBS is over - fun week!
jacob got 2 hits at his baseball game - way to go!
laura rose went to a princess birthday party- fun!
jason and i got into an argument - bummer
then we made up - grace.
dreamed about travis last night, cannot explain the dream, it is fuzzy - but i feel sad today. i pray for the Lord to help me deal with this grief and build my faith in Him.

i love you all, christie